


Quiznack Cuss-off

by RunningNinja



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: At least from an Earth perspective, But no actual swearing, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Paladin Bonding, Paladins, Popcorn, Quiznack, Sleepovers, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Mom Allura (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Swearing, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 17:04:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16268594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunningNinja/pseuds/RunningNinja
Summary: “I challenge you… to an Altean cuss-off. Whoever knows the most Altean swear words wins.” It was Pidge, Lance, Hunk, Keith, a bowl of green popcorn, and a challenge not to be taken lightly. Shenanigans and consequences ensue. Good old sleepover-style fluff.





	Quiznack Cuss-off

"I challenge you... to an Altean cuss-off." Lance tossed a handful of green powdered popcorn into his mouth. "Whoeveh knows da mohst cuhs wordahs wihns," he said, mouth full.

Keith rolled his eyes. Pidge grinned and sat up straight, eyes mischevious. She looked at Hunk. "Hunk, you go first."

"Fine. You know I'm no good at games like this. I'll go easy. ...quiznack."

Lance leaned back, arms behind his head, smug. "Rabbledack."

Pidge smirked. "Foolrick."

Keith looked nervous. "Uh-fu...mp."

"Keith, There's no way that's the actual cuss word." Lance crossed his arms across his chest. "Be original."

"I am original!"

"Keith, you just put 'uh' in front of 'f***' and changed it to 'ump' at the last second," Pidge said.

"Wha--? Look, I heard Coran say that after tripping over a loose wire. I'm not lying."

"Nuh uh. Not buying it," Lance said.

"Look, if you won't believe me, fine. But ask Coran, and he'll tell you," Keith said.

"Oooh, Keith's calling on backup," Hunk said. "Beef's getting serious!"

Pidge bit her lip. Then she grinned. And slammed the castle comm button on the wall. The opening beep rang throughout the castle PA system. "Coran?" she called.

There was the tinny sound of metal clanging on floor and a distant "Quiznack!" through the PA system. It was unmistakeable: Coran had dropped something, probably on his foot. "...Yes?"

"Coran, what is the etymology of the Alean word uh-fump?"

"Oh, uh, yes, that is a word, generally used when a person is, uh, mad or frustrated at themself or a situation.. generally not used in pleasant company. Where, uh, where did you hear this word?"

Pidge slid her hand off the comm button, the smuggest face known to alien kind on her face.

"Ohhh, Keith won this one," Hunk said. "Keith. Won. This. One." Lance looked peeved, lips pouted and eyes narrow as he stared at a smirking Keith.

"Called it," Pidge said. "Once you said he tripped over wire, I knew it. I'd heard it before, but I honestly thought it was just the f word and the castle had translated it."

"Well, I still know a better one," Lance said. He crossed his arms out in front of him and wiggled his fingers. "Rabble-dackle!"

There was a sigh over the PA system. The paladins jumped.  The quiznacking thing was still live: and Allura had heard them. "Paladins, please refrain from vaccuum lock language." There was a harsh beep as Allura closed the comm link.

The Garrison trio looked mortified, but Keith smirked. "Do you wanna hear the Galra cuss word the blades taught me?"

"Oh do I ever."

"Of course!"

"Kitty Rose is ready to cuss."

Keith smirked again, then uttered something in Galran. It was an inhuman, unpleasant, and simultaneously shrieking and squelching.

"Oh god, that's like nails on a chalkboard," Pidge said. "Bubbling nails. What the foolrick?"

"How the--? Was that YOU?" Lance stared, open-mouthed.

"Never again, Keith. Never. Again." Hunk said, possibly nauseous.

Keith snickered. "Only once in a ------"

Pidge squealed. "Keith, no!"

"MAKE IT STOP!!!" Hunk wailed.

"Keith----I'll stick you in a quiznacking rabbledack uh-fump for that!" Lance yelled.

Keith sniggered. He looked at them, smug. "Do I win?"

"Yes. As long as you never do that again, you win," Lance said.

Then, realizing he wasn't going to unleash more profane Galran, Pidge and Hunk laughed, soon followed by Lance.

…

_“Do I win?”_

_“Yes, As long as you never do that again, you win.”_

Somewhere in the castle, Shiro let out a long dad-sigh, and drew his palm over his face.

He'd hoped those Galra wouldn't be a bad influence.... and he hoped the paladins would learn you had to close a comm link on both sides.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a Voltron Amino contest called the Quiznack Contest. It was a lot of fun to write and edit. It's so short because it was written for a phone app. I hope you had fun reading! Thank you and have a good day!


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